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The Lecture

     The alarm clock buzzed loudly and David awoke with a fright. Oh crap! I'm supposed to meet with Jim this morning! What time is it? He looked at the now silent clock, its red numbers glowing 7:30. Crap! I only have 15 minutes to catch the bus!
     He sprang into action, running to the shower to get the water started. He threw off his pajamas and jumped in, frantically washing his hair, face, and body. Five minutes later he turned off the water and opened the shower curtain.
     Crap! My towel is the bedroom. He climbed out of the shower, opened the bathroom door and felt the chill of the air strike his wet body. He walked slowly toward his bedroom, both to minimize the impact of the cold air as he moved forward and to prevent dripping water on the carpet. He grabbed the towel and slowly dried off the bulk of the water before furiously drying his hair. He looked at the clock.
     7:40. No time for breakfast. Just as furiously as he had taken a shower, he threw on some clothes. Over a white undershirt he pulled on a yellow and white striped shirt, a shirt that reminded his girlfriend of eggs over easy. He completed his outfit with jeans and tennis shoes. He packed his laptop into its carrying case and threw it around his neck, grabbing his keys on the way out the door.
     He hurried toward the bus stop, not quite jogging but not quite walking either. Crap! I forgot my lunch. Oh well, no time now. The previous night he had packed a lunch for the today. At the bus stop he could see people waiting at the stop before his. Good, I haven't missed it. He pulled out his cell phone to call his girlfriend, but felt something nudging his left leg. He looked down to see what it was.
      "Oh, I'm sorry boy. I almost forgot about you, didn't I? I'm sorry but we don't have time for breakfast today. Come here." He was talking to his pet Chihuahua. How he obtained the dog wasn't quite clear even to him, but he picked it up and put it in a special pouch he had added to his bag. "We have to make sure the bus driver can't see you." The dog looked at him contently, almost to say he completely understood.
     As the bus approached, he closed the pouch and raised his right arm. The bus lurched to a stop. Great. The driver who thinks she's a race car driver. He got on and before he could take his customary seat in the back corner, the driver sped off, forcing him to grab one of the poles and swing himself into his seat. My goodness, he thought.
     The remainder of the bus ride went pretty much as usual. At the next stop the bus almost filled up, and at the one after that it did fill so that people had to stand. Then, typical annoyances such as loud talkers and inconsiderate people forcing the bus to stop at places not officially designated a bus stop.
     Despite annoying occurrences, the world does keep going. Once on campus, he got off and walked briskly toward his building. He pulled out his phone to check the time. 8:10. Good, I won't be late.
     Once inside his building, he rushed down the long corridor that led to his office. On the way he ran into Jim.
      "Good morning." He said to Jim.
      "Good morning, David." Jim replied. "Don't forget about Terry's class today. The guest lecturer is someone we should all meet."
     Oh, that's right. I don't have a meeting with Jim this morning. There's a special lecturer in Terry's class.
      "No, I haven't forgotten. I'm going to head over there as soon as I put my stuff away."
      "Okay."
     His conversations with Jim often went like this. He felt tongue-tied, wanting to say something more lucid but always feeling he had made a fool of himself.
     Once at his office he met his lab mates.
      "Good morning." He said as he entered. Everyone replied likewise.
      "Hey, David, we're going over to the Union to get some coffee and breakfast before heading over to the lecture. Want to join us?" Thomas asked.
      "Absolutely. I didn't have time for breakfast this morning."
      "Okay, let's go."
     David put his laptop on his desk and picked up his book bag. The Chihuahua scampered quickly into the book bag. David was still surprised that nobody had discovered that he brought a dog with him to work everyday. But it was a remarkably well behaved dog.
     They went to the student union. The roof was permanent, but in the summer months the walls were opened to allow fresh air and sunlight to circulate through. There were several counters that offered different types of food, much like in a standard cafeteria. The coffee was self-serve, though. After collecting their coffee, bagels, and donuts, they filed into the single register line that was open. David had already eaten his donut. In his pocket he found two dimes and nickel. That should be enough for a donut.
      "I already ate my donut. How much is it?" David asked the cashier.
      "$2.56." She replied.
      "What?" He exclaimed. "Two dollars and fifty-six cents for a donut!"
      "Two are $5.12. So that means one is $2.56."
      "Wow." He said, pulling out his credit card. "Didn't think I'd need this to pay for a donut."
      "Minimum purchase to use a credit card is $5.00."
      "You've got to be kidding."
      "No, I'm afraid not, sir."
      "Okay, I'm already holding up the line. I'm going to come back here for lunch. Can I pay for my donut then?"
      "I'll ask my supervisor after I've helped these other people."
      "I have to get going to a lecture. I promise I'll be back at lunch. Here, let me give you my name."
      "You can go, but I can't guarantee that you won't get in trouble."
      "Okay."
     He moved out of the way. Once everyone had paid, they headed for the Math building, where the lecture was going to be held. It was also where Terry went for class every week.
     The outside of the Math building looked like any other academic building, but instead of a standard rectangular shape, a large portion of the first floor had been removed so that only the outside edges of two sides remained. These edges each held a couple of offices and elevator lobbies. One could walk through and under the building using the cut out.
     The red-brick exterior belied the appearance of the interior. On the second floor a very spacious lobby, much like in a five star hotel, greeted people that exited the elevators. A great quantity of stained maple paneling, tables, and countertops added to the aura of the lobby. It was impossible not to appreciate the pleasing sound that one's shoes made on the black and blue marble flooring. In the center stood an information desk with snooty greeters. They greeted everyone with suspicious stares and seldom offered any help. If someone did ask them for help, they often received cryptic responses that were impossible to decode.
     However, today one of the greeters had a knowing smirk on his face. When he saw the group exit the elevator, he called out "David Mirth?"
     David, along with the rest of the group, seemed taken aback.
      "Yes."
      "I have a message for you. Please come over here for a moment."
      "Okay." He turned to the rest of his group. "I guess I'll catch up with you guys in a minute. I hope it's anything bad."
      "Me too." Thomas said. "Catch you later."
     David walked over to the information desk. "What is the message?"
      "Did you attempt to buy a donut this morning?"
      "Yes, I'm going to pay for it at lunch."
      "Hmm. I see. Well, you're under investigation for shop-lifting."
      "Shop-lifting?"
      "Yes, you took a donut and didn't pay for it."
      "Oh, fantastic."
      "Okay, that's it."
      "That's it? You mean there's nothing I can do to right things?"
      "Hmm. No, nothing written here. Have a good day, sir."
      "Thanks, I think."
     David walked away from the information desk. Certainly they'll understand when I tell them the whole story. He checked his phone. It's 8:29. I better get going.
     A realization then struck David. Crap! I don't know where the class is! Terry was the only one of us that knew. What am I going to do? He looked at his phone. The lecture should be starting now. So, I'll be late. I'm pretty sure all the lectures are on the third floor.
     He took the stairs up to the third floor, but only found hotelesque corridors leading to many offices and small classrooms. He decided to keep going up floors until he found it. Certainly they wouldn't put a big-time lecture at the top of the building.
     After wandering around searching with no success, he found himself on the fifth floor. The time was now 8:45. Feeling panicked, he decided to stop and calm down for a second. I'm certainly late now. But I should still try to see part of it. Let me check the third floor again. It has to be there.
     Back on the third floor, he found a previously unexplored corridor. It led to a decidedly different part of the building. The walls changed from dark red maple to large grey rectangular stones. The floor was no longer marble but bare, rough concrete. The lighting, provided by torches, made it appear as if he were walking in a medieval castle. His dog poked its head out of his book bag.
      "Hey boy. I'm not sure where we are."
     The dog just looked around, seeming contented just to go along for the ride.
      "Come on, boy." David took a towel out of his book bag and formed a bed in which to carry the dog. The dog almost immediately fell asleep, wrapped in the towel that David held under his right arm.
     David continued down the corridor. Just ahead, he could make out the silhouette of a small group of people. I wonder if they can tell me where the lecture is? It's already 8:55. Might as well try.
     Approaching the group, he saw that they were all dressed in black robes. That's certainly unnerving. Oh well. They still might know.
      "Excuse me." He called, still walking toward them. They eyed him suspiciously.
      "Excuse me, could you tell me where the special lecture is? I'm already 30 minutes late."
     The eyes of one in the group lit up. "Awww. What a cute puppy!"
     The others then saw the dog, their eyes also lighting up.
      "Awww." One sighed.
      "Uh, thanks." David said.
      "Can I hold it?" One asked.
     David was always hesitant to let others handle his belongings, much less his dog.
      "Uh, I don't. . ."
      "Please, I won't bite." She asked again. The others giggled.
      "Alright." David said, reluctantly handing the dog over.
      "Awww." The woman holding the dog said, gleefully stroking its back.
      "So, do you know where the special lecture is today? I really need to get going since I'm half an hour late."
     The ladies looked at each other, smirking. "I think you need to take the stairwell at the end of this hall. Follow us."
     The group moved in unison, toward the darkest end of the hall. David felt he had no choice but to follow, especially since they still had his dog. The lighting became less reliable as they continued forward. Several of the torches were no longer lit.
      "Here it is." One said, pointing to an open space in the wall. David could make out the faint silhouette of a staircase inside the space.
      "Thank you very much" David said, reaching to take back his dog. Just as reluctantly as David had given the dog to them, they gave it back to him.
      "You're welcome, sir. Anytime you'd like to come back with your puppy, feel welcome."
      "I'll keep that in mind." David said, hurrying up the first flight of the staircase.
     The first few flights were not as creepy as the upper flights. It was a wooden staircase, spiraling upwards. The walls were the same stone as the corridor he had just left, but it was much darker. He felt that he was climbing through the inside of a stone tower. As if to signal where each floor began, thick wooden beams projected over the staircase, forcing David to duck under them to pass. While the wooden planks protested each step by creaking loudly, they seemed sturdy.
     On the upper flights, water dripped from the some of the wooden beams David had to duck under. Some of the steps were also missing, forcing David to unwillingly skip a step or two occasionally. The doors of the upper flights had the names of nuns and priests on them, the plaques framed in polished copper and the names carved into black wood and filled in with yellow paint. As he climbed he also saw what appeared to be crypts of deceased nuns and priests built into the stone wall, with the same name plaques but the copper had tarnished green.
     David finally reached what appeared to be the proper door. He didn't know why it seemed like the door to open, but it just felt right. He opened it and found himself in a circular room. Tall glass windows, fifteen feet in height, surrounded the room on all sides. Across the room stretched a large diameter nylon tube that David could just reach around with his arm if he tried.
     On the other side of the glass David could see people attending the lecture. The room on the other side of the glass had the same large window on the outside so that natural light filtered into the room that David found himself. Some in the room had their backs to David, but to his right others were sitting so they could see both the lecture and the inner room. In this section sat his coworkers, but they hadn't yet noticed him.
     David looked at his phone. 9:20. Well, at least I should try to get in there without anyone seeing me sneak in. He looked around, looking for a doorway or some way that might lead to the lecture room.
     It was then that the most surprising thing of the day happened to David. A great gush of water fell from above, drenching him. Then, the floor disappeared. He grabbed the nylon tube, hanging with a hand on either side. The tube oscillated up and down for several seconds, bringing David for the ride. His dog was able to scramble onto a ledge at the edge of the room.
     David looked up to see everyone in the room staring at him. So much for a silent entrance, I suppose, he thought, not really fearing the certain death he would suffer if his grip slipped. One of the windows to the room opened and the tube rotated toward it. David could now hear the lecturer speaking. It seemed that this entire setup had been a part of the speaker's act. David expected the speaker to say something profound or provocative after putting on such a show.
      "Thank you for attending my lecture. I certainly hope that I've been able to educate and entertain you this morning. I'll now open the floor to questions."
     Why the hell am I drenching wet and holding onto a nylon tube for dear life? Much to David's chagrin, nobody asked about him, though. In fact, all of the questions seemed to be very esoteric and directed more at learning where the speaker had spoken previously and where he would be going next.
     After the last question had been asked, the floor reappeared and David was able to climb into the lecture room.
      "What happened to you, man?" Thomas asked. "Is that what happens if you don't pay for a donut?"
      "I'm not sure. It's a long story and I just want to get dried off."
      "Is that your dog?"
      "Yes."
      "I didn't even know you had a dog."
      "Yeah, I have a dog. So, what can you tell me about the lecture."